I didn't realize how depressed I was...

until we finally got our court date (again). Home from Russia for 6 weeks, I grew more and more depressed with each passing day, finding it hard to focus on much, and living in what seemed to be a perpetual state of limbo. I was fine the first two weeks, and had even begun a massive cleaning project throughout the house, but as time went on, so did my ambition. Now that we know we're not leaving til around the 5th of January, I feel a huge relief. And even though it's a not a done deal, just knowing we are going back to court has lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. Until now I didn't know how far I was retreating - from family, friends, and any semblance of normalcy. I avoided phone calls, gatherings, and any task related to this adoption process. The past 6 weeks have been a hell of sorts. Not wanting to talk to anyne about it, not wanting to think about it, not wanting to do much except get by - day to day, doing only what I had to do and little more.

The rest of the year I'm sure will rush by in a blur as we race to complete our medicals and get new police clearances and fingerprints for our INS paperwork done. And maybe, just maybe, a few months from now, the depression will be water under the bridge!