bits and pieces

From the moment the judge left for to deliberate yesterday, my mind is a fog - with bits and pieces of clarity. As we waited the 1 hour for her to return, NOBODY left the room, except the famiies who were summoned to testify. If you recall, our first court hearing, the prosecuter was relentless - like a junkyard dog to be exact. Well yesterday she had not one objection, and spoke only when the judged asked her to comment. At one point the judge asked if us if we thought we should proceed without the other famlies and bio. mom's testimony. Duh - like is it mental health week or something? Of course we said yes. She asked WHY? Mike's repsonse was that like the families there present, each came looking for a child, and found that "special" child and were happy in their decisions. More families would only likely say the exact same things. As for the bio mom, he pointed out that twice she has relinquished her right, most recently about a month ago. She has stated she cannot raise him. The judge asked all the parties to answer the same questions. They did the same, INCLUDING THE PROSECUTER.

Yet, as she left to deliberate, I somehow knew the response she'd come back with. During this one hour, the prosecuter gave the BH Director, Guardianship Dept. woman, and Center for Adoption Woman advice on how to answer questions from the judge! I didn't know it then, but she was telling THEM she didn't believe the lenghts this judge was going to...

When the decision was read, she asked only Mike if he UNDERSTOOD the decision. He said yes. She then left. Though not totally surprised, I was in shock. I remember putting my head in my hands, sitting back down, and just crying, and crying. When I could finally pick my head back up, everyone had left except for our attorney, the court secretary and the prosecuter. I don't recall much they said. The drive back to the apt. was excruciating.

Several hours later, our friend returned. She began to give us bit and pieces of what she has since learned. The Attorney - who fought hard for us - said to her knowledge, this has never happened in this region, but has in others. From then on, I have just random facts to share, in no particular order:

Our friend Irina has graciously invited Skip & I to stay with her and her family in their two bedroom apt. if I wanted to stay while Mike returns to work.

As I said, we spent $1400 exchanging tickets the night before, based on dates we *thought* were viable for leaving Irkutsk, travelling to Moscow, etc.

Mike has been on unpaid leave for the past month. THAT alone is financial hardship. He HAS to return soon. He returned to Irkutsk to the Aeroflot Office yesterday with our friends (Lord, I am SO grateful to these people) to try and at least change his, again. Since it was less than 24 hours, we thought he'd be able to do it without any additional fees. Wrong. The first possible flight with only the normal $150.00 exchange fee is the 28th of October. They have only business class seats on the days previous. To upgrade to a business class seat would be more than $2000 - just to upgrade and get home sooner!

I am in a catch-22 as for my situation. My decision to stay would be to 1) save on the expense of having to buy two new tickets for Skip & I to return when court is aain scheduled - given Mike will already have to buy another ticket, and 2) continued, ongoing relationship with Harry. My problem is, after a month, I am SO done with visiting him. It is emotionally nerve-wracking to say the least. We never know how he will be that day. The other children while beautiful and precious, are just SO needy and just go crazy each time they see us. They just go crazy, making the caregivers' jobs so difficult. They are constantly trying to sneak out of their common room. They cling, they beg to be picked up. The caregivers get upset with them - although they are never mean to them, but it puts us in such a difficult position. Plus, while Harry is now happy when we visit, he doesn't understand why it means a break in his routine. They often make us play inside while his group is outside, or if outside have us play in a different area. This causes him to sulk for a long time, before we can figure out a way to bring him "back". After a month, we're out of new toys/gadgets/electronic equipment to "bribe" him with. In the past we've been allowed to have him stay with us at the apt. After a day or two with a new routine, he is happy, and adjusts well. Each time we've returned him, he has clung to us, begging us with his eyes not leave him again. Not because he's abused there, but because he is happy with his family, and now yet another change for him...

I am torn. If Harry were with us, I would remain without a second thought. But I am truly doubtful I am up to visiting him every day for the next month or more.

Last night we learned that after we left court (don't even rememer that part) the attorney spoke to the prosecuter some more. NOW THIS IS COMPLETELY CONFIDENTIAL so to all my adoption friends, PLEASE don't let this go anywhere else... The prosecuter told our attorney that the judge WILL grant our adoption, but it's a matter, apparently of making us suffer long and hard first... Well she has accomplished the suffering and long and hard part. THIS NEWS SURPRISED US! The prosecuter had been so difficult on our first court appearance. Apparently she is but a puppet in court, doing exactly as the judge wants her to - or else...

This is a good one. In consideration of the the fact that Mike stated in court that he must return to the States and work asap, the court secretary said the normal 10 day wait for the definition from the hearing to go into effect was waived, and the letters were already faxed to the local courts yesterday afternoon. Apparently, the hearing was "STOPPED" not "POSTPONED". I guess there is a difference. Our case wasn't denied, but the hearing process was stopped, until the rest of these statements can be obtained. THIS meant, as with all court decisions, there is a 10 day appeal period, before it goes into effect. So normally, the letters to the local courts would not have been sent for 10 days - just adding to the length of time it would take. The lawyer has already said she will stay on the court, calling daily, to check on the status of our the families who need to appear.

Our lawyer is due to deliver her baby the first week of November. She said other than the time in the hospital (about 5 days) she will work on our case.

Our fingerprints for our INS clearance to bring the child into the US expires in early Dec. Mark Siebel is working to getting us help in expediting new ones. If I don't return to the US, Marks aid worst case, I get fingerprinted at the Embassy the second we land in Moscow, and they will DHL them to the states. The longest it would take would be a week. This would add 3 or 4 days to the time we'd stay in Moscow, but, still cheaper than returning to the states.

My business visa expires 20 Dec. so even if I return home, and come back, it's likely we'd need new visas anyway. The adoption visa Mike applied for before we left home is almost ready. They said it would be valid for 90 days from the date of the court hearing, 29 Sept. We can't chance that, so are trying to get it to start from the date of our second hearing, yesterday. That would give us til 17 January.

This morning we are supposed to go visit Harry. For the first time, I am sick to my stomach over doing this. BUT, it will be an indication of how I'd fare if I decide to stay here while Mike returns. We'd save a bundle (anything over $100 at this point is a bundle to us - but two tickets are goin to be $2500 - 3000). THAT IS ALOT! Since I'd stay with Irina, I'd have no lodging expenses. Just food and such.

Decisions, Decisions.... I sure wish I knew someone with thousands of airline miles. THAT would make this a whole lot easier to deal with. Since I don't, we're gonna have to make some tough decisions this weekend...