After a great day with Harry on Wednesday – well except for the “freak-out” when we attempted to change his soaked clothes (he decided he didn’t want a bath again, but played OUTSIDE the tub, while Skip played inside. Harry ended up more wet than Skip.) and put a pair of jeans on him, I again began to struggle with the choices I make. My backsliding began yesterday morning when we arrived at the Baby Home for him, only to learn he and 5 others were going to the hospital for “routine exams” in a half hour! Apparently 6 others went the day before, and it was his turn. WHY we weren’t told this before we stood and waited for the trolley, rode it, and then walked the half mile to the BH in 8 degree F. weather, I don’t know… They told us, nicely, we should come back at 4 since the kids would come back around 1. Following? Well since it will be 1:00 – one hour AFTER their striclty scheduled lunch, he will need to eat immediately, then of course, since it is already 1:30, it’d be too late to him to the apt. and nap, thus, they decided he would nap there, and we could play with him in the BH til 7. JOY ! …NOT!
So we left and stopped at the thrift store and got me a 22.00 down coat. While I love the brown one Kirsten gave me, it’s doesn’t cut it in 8F weather! So ended up with an aqua jacket, a bit longer, and a bit big, but warm.
We walked to the stop, went home and sulked. Well I sulked at least. At 3:30 it had warmed to a balmy 12F, and we again took the trolley back to the BH, after packing yet once more, the magic red bag, with toys and bribes… We arrived at 4:05. His room was empty, and one caregiver told us to go the music room. We got half way down the hall, when another caregiver saw us coming, and told us to wait in the sleeping room. We turned to go back, and yet another told us we should watch the kdis practice. For the fall play. The yo-yos (Mike, Skip & I) turned and went back to the music room. A woman gave me a seat. I sat. I stopped Harry, 1st in line to enter the “stage” (not really, just the performance area of the room), wearing a huge, hideous hat that made him look like Carmen Miranda. Just as I spotted him, and stifled my “are you kidding me?” look, we were told by yet another person we should wait in the sleeping room. Okay, now I’m a bit upset…no, I’m REALLY upset.
We go to the sleeping room, and then wait til 4:45 for him! Now I’m beyond upset. Why tell us to return at 4 if he is going to be practicing for a play til 4:45?? My anger was momentarily overshadowed with a bit of joy when Harry entered, came over to me and gave me a hug. The joy lasted about 10 seconds. It ended when he walked away, and began hiding on us. Not mad, not crying, just hiding. Each time we’d try to bring him to us, he scream. Not crying, just SCREAMING as if this was fun… I wanted to just go back to the apt. and start over again today, but Mike convinced me otherwise. So we stayed and watched him run wild for another 15 minutes. It was like he was on a massive sugar high. He was just running, screaming, climbing on and jumping off the beds. JUST when we got him calmed down, and he started to interact appropriately, he noticed the kids from his group outside. ARGH! Of course we listened to 10 minutes of him whining and eventually crying to go out before a caregiver came in to see why he was upset. She told he wanted to go outside….duh… Against MY better judgment, we agreed to go out. We dressed up again, got him bundled up in the mandatory 10 layers of clothes they wear when it’s below 70 degrees (well I’m exaggerating) , and we went out. Just as we did, we saw the tail end of his group leaving the property for a walk. Luckily he didn’t see them. It was just really windy and cold yesterday and I really didn’t want to walk! Instead we watched him run around in the few inches of remaining snow with Skip. The minute we got outside though, I noticed he didn’t have gloves. WE ALL had gloves. I gave mine to Skip and took Skips and tried to put them on Harry. NOPE. He refused. He kept telling us they were Skips! At home, I would have insisted. Here, under the circumstances, the last thing I wanted was a huge scene. He got his way (but don’t worry, I’m keeping track!) and ran around for 30 minutes with freezing hands. Mercifully, his group returned and we followed them inside. We could have stayed another 45 minutes, but quite honestly, I needed to just get out of there. The whole day had been a disaster, and I suppose I resented not being told about his Dr. appt, his “Play” rehearsal, and the whole stinkin’ mess. We told him and the caregivers we’d return today.
The other half of my disappointment was the fact that it had been 6 days since we left court and immediately found out that the letters to the local courts had been faxed, but had heard nothing else since. 6 days and nothing. It had begun to depress me, big time. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that this adoption would still be pending come spring, if this was how slow things were gonna move. I began to think about logistics, and the holidays, and I became torn. Do I stay, separated from home, family & friends for an indefinite amount of time? Do I return home as soon as I can arrange flights that won’t incur any additional upgrade fees? What is best for Harry? For Skip? For my family as a whole? My head was spinning and I felt sick.
Later last night, Irina stopped by with some news. She said the letters to the birthmom & the 6 families had been sent, and a date of 30 October was set for them to appear in the local courts to answer the questions the judge had specified. Sounds good, BUT, nobody could tell me if the letter was a summons or an invite. And, nobody seems to know what will happen if they don’t appear. THIS frustrates & stresses me. I NEED answers.
Today our trip to get Harry was without incident, but still I wrestle with decisions, and the need for answers. We are trying to get them, but like everything else here, it takes time and interpreters.
Because of a problem with flights from JFK to Boston when Levi was to return home today, he ended up changing his plans again too. He is now leaving Wed. while Mike will return on Tuesday. As for me, it’s a big question mark. We have decided to see where we are with questions/answers/progress by next Friday – the day after the people are to appear in court. . If the families do not all show up, and we have no definitive answers as to what will happen next, and how long it will take. I will return home to regroup, and wait to hear word of our court date, and then break open all our piggy banks, cash in our cans and bottles, and clean out the couch cushions in hopes of finding enough money to return…
In the meantime, we’re coping. Some days better than others, some hours better than others. Each night I pray not for a court date, but wisdom and guidance. If you can, please do the same , we’d appreciate it!
So we left and stopped at the thrift store and got me a 22.00 down coat. While I love the brown one Kirsten gave me, it’s doesn’t cut it in 8F weather! So ended up with an aqua jacket, a bit longer, and a bit big, but warm.
We walked to the stop, went home and sulked. Well I sulked at least. At 3:30 it had warmed to a balmy 12F, and we again took the trolley back to the BH, after packing yet once more, the magic red bag, with toys and bribes… We arrived at 4:05. His room was empty, and one caregiver told us to go the music room. We got half way down the hall, when another caregiver saw us coming, and told us to wait in the sleeping room. We turned to go back, and yet another told us we should watch the kdis practice. For the fall play. The yo-yos (Mike, Skip & I) turned and went back to the music room. A woman gave me a seat. I sat. I stopped Harry, 1st in line to enter the “stage” (not really, just the performance area of the room), wearing a huge, hideous hat that made him look like Carmen Miranda. Just as I spotted him, and stifled my “are you kidding me?” look, we were told by yet another person we should wait in the sleeping room. Okay, now I’m a bit upset…no, I’m REALLY upset.
We go to the sleeping room, and then wait til 4:45 for him! Now I’m beyond upset. Why tell us to return at 4 if he is going to be practicing for a play til 4:45?? My anger was momentarily overshadowed with a bit of joy when Harry entered, came over to me and gave me a hug. The joy lasted about 10 seconds. It ended when he walked away, and began hiding on us. Not mad, not crying, just hiding. Each time we’d try to bring him to us, he scream. Not crying, just SCREAMING as if this was fun… I wanted to just go back to the apt. and start over again today, but Mike convinced me otherwise. So we stayed and watched him run wild for another 15 minutes. It was like he was on a massive sugar high. He was just running, screaming, climbing on and jumping off the beds. JUST when we got him calmed down, and he started to interact appropriately, he noticed the kids from his group outside. ARGH! Of course we listened to 10 minutes of him whining and eventually crying to go out before a caregiver came in to see why he was upset. She told he wanted to go outside….duh… Against MY better judgment, we agreed to go out. We dressed up again, got him bundled up in the mandatory 10 layers of clothes they wear when it’s below 70 degrees (well I’m exaggerating) , and we went out. Just as we did, we saw the tail end of his group leaving the property for a walk. Luckily he didn’t see them. It was just really windy and cold yesterday and I really didn’t want to walk! Instead we watched him run around in the few inches of remaining snow with Skip. The minute we got outside though, I noticed he didn’t have gloves. WE ALL had gloves. I gave mine to Skip and took Skips and tried to put them on Harry. NOPE. He refused. He kept telling us they were Skips! At home, I would have insisted. Here, under the circumstances, the last thing I wanted was a huge scene. He got his way (but don’t worry, I’m keeping track!) and ran around for 30 minutes with freezing hands. Mercifully, his group returned and we followed them inside. We could have stayed another 45 minutes, but quite honestly, I needed to just get out of there. The whole day had been a disaster, and I suppose I resented not being told about his Dr. appt, his “Play” rehearsal, and the whole stinkin’ mess. We told him and the caregivers we’d return today.
The other half of my disappointment was the fact that it had been 6 days since we left court and immediately found out that the letters to the local courts had been faxed, but had heard nothing else since. 6 days and nothing. It had begun to depress me, big time. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that this adoption would still be pending come spring, if this was how slow things were gonna move. I began to think about logistics, and the holidays, and I became torn. Do I stay, separated from home, family & friends for an indefinite amount of time? Do I return home as soon as I can arrange flights that won’t incur any additional upgrade fees? What is best for Harry? For Skip? For my family as a whole? My head was spinning and I felt sick.
Later last night, Irina stopped by with some news. She said the letters to the birthmom & the 6 families had been sent, and a date of 30 October was set for them to appear in the local courts to answer the questions the judge had specified. Sounds good, BUT, nobody could tell me if the letter was a summons or an invite. And, nobody seems to know what will happen if they don’t appear. THIS frustrates & stresses me. I NEED answers.
Today our trip to get Harry was without incident, but still I wrestle with decisions, and the need for answers. We are trying to get them, but like everything else here, it takes time and interpreters.
Because of a problem with flights from JFK to Boston when Levi was to return home today, he ended up changing his plans again too. He is now leaving Wed. while Mike will return on Tuesday. As for me, it’s a big question mark. We have decided to see where we are with questions/answers/progress by next Friday – the day after the people are to appear in court. . If the families do not all show up, and we have no definitive answers as to what will happen next, and how long it will take. I will return home to regroup, and wait to hear word of our court date, and then break open all our piggy banks, cash in our cans and bottles, and clean out the couch cushions in hopes of finding enough money to return…
In the meantime, we’re coping. Some days better than others, some hours better than others. Each night I pray not for a court date, but wisdom and guidance. If you can, please do the same , we’d appreciate it!
I will continue to pray that you have wisdom and guidance and make the best decision you can. I'm upset reading about your life and you're living it! This is wearing on me, I can't even imagine for you all and therefore extra prayers for strength for you all... Love and hugs - Debbie
ReplyDeleteI got Mike's email and I'm waiting to hear back from Clay's Aunt about the tickets. I'll call her Sunday afternoon.
ReplyDelete