(And how we would have liked to answer)
Prosecutor: Are your older children jealous that they will have to share their inheritance with your younger children?
Me: Inheritance? Are you talking about the 1.5K+ in savings, stocks, etc. that we had BEFORE Judge Stepanova took office, and put us through a 4 year hell?
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Judge: (At the beginning our 5th court hearing) So, do you wish to pursue this adoption still?
Me: Ya know? I woke up this morning and thought, I changed my mind. I don’t want to adopt another child. So, no, I’m flying home tonite on the red-eye but thought I’d come to court anyway and say good-bye to you.
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Judge: You have testified in court that you were born in Fall River, MA. but your passport says only Massachusetts. If I don’t have proof where you were born, what will I put on the court papers?
Me: How about you put I was hatched? Or born on Mars? Does it matter?????
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Judge: Does Michael Jr. know you wish to adopt a brother?
Me: No, he thinks we have spent 4 years, and 5 trips over here looking for a pet hamster for him…
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Judge: I see you do not have one Eagle Seal on your medical forms. Should I require that you get one.
Mike: Yeah, sure what the heck. Tell us the case is continued, for the 5th time, schedule a 6th hearing 2 months from now, send us back home, and let us throw another 15 grand in the toilet
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Judge: Do you object to your translator being in court?
Mike: Is that who she is? Our translator? I wondered why the woman kept showing up in court with us!
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Judge: Do you think you are too old to raise children?
Mike: Absolutely! This was all my wife’s idea, I’m just along for the ride and the Russian Vodka.
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Judge: (And I do not make this up!) Michael, are you married?
Mike: No, this lady here is a complete stranger and we’ve forged a marriage license, just to see how sharp you are!
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Judge: Vitaliy is older than Skip was, will you provide him with help in learning to speak English?
Me: Heck no! Let him go pick it up on the playground. Besides, we all know kids at this age ignore what we say anyway, what does it matter WHAT language they speak?
Judge: Does Michael Jr. know you wish to adopt a brother?
Me: No, he thinks we have spent 4 years, and 5 trips over here looking for a pet hamster for him…
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Judge: I see you do not have one Eagle Seal on your medical forms. Should I require that you get one.
Mike: Yeah, sure what the heck. Tell us the case is continued, for the 5th time, schedule a 6th hearing 2 months from now, send us back home, and let us throw another 15 grand in the toilet
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Judge: Do you object to your translator being in court?
Mike: Is that who she is? Our translator? I wondered why the woman kept showing up in court with us!
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Judge: Do you think you are too old to raise children?
Mike: Absolutely! This was all my wife’s idea, I’m just along for the ride and the Russian Vodka.
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Judge: (And I do not make this up!) Michael, are you married?
Mike: No, this lady here is a complete stranger and we’ve forged a marriage license, just to see how sharp you are!
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Judge: Vitaliy is older than Skip was, will you provide him with help in learning to speak English?
Me: Heck no! Let him go pick it up on the playground. Besides, we all know kids at this age ignore what we say anyway, what does it matter WHAT language they speak?
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Prosecutor: Does Skip have jobs at home?
Me: Of course! As soon as he gets home from the factory, we make him cook and clean for us.
Prosecutor: Will Vitaliy have jobs as well?
Me: You bet. Who do you think is gonna do all the yard work, and bottom paint the boat come spring?
Prosecutor: Does Skip have jobs at home?
Me: Of course! As soon as he gets home from the factory, we make him cook and clean for us.
Prosecutor: Will Vitaliy have jobs as well?
Me: You bet. Who do you think is gonna do all the yard work, and bottom paint the boat come spring?
Oh my goodness! I laughed sooooooooooooooooo hard! Thanks! I needed that. =)
ReplyDeleteOnce my brain comes back some I'll have to think of some witty comebacks to add to our line of questions! :)
ReplyDeleteDon't you wish you really could have said those things. They certainly asked some ridiculous questions!!!!
ReplyDeleteOMG! I LMAO...you'd tell em Judy if you could and with a straight face. I could see it now.
ReplyDeleteThe best part is that you will not have to deal with the "judge" woman ever again, and from the sounds of it, no other family will have to endure the woman, and the broomstick she rode in on
ReplyDeletePerfect, just perfect! How I wish you HAD said at least one those things, if nothing else, just to see Irina's eyes bug out as she tried to figure out how to make it sound good in Russian. :-)
ReplyDeleteHa! That is so funny! I have a strange sarcastic sense of humor – I might have to bite my tongue on some of these!
ReplyDelete